The Masks We Wear: Part 2 (Learning to Unmask)

First, it’s important to recognize that masking isn’t something “bad” that needs to be gotten rid of. In many ways, it has been protective. If you’re in an environment where it doesn’t feel safe to fully be yourself, that awareness matters. You don’t have to unmask everywhere. Often, it begins in smaller, safer spaces, or even just within your relationship with yourself.

There’s also no timeline for this process. When you’ve spent years adapting or holding parts of yourself back, it can feel unfamiliar and even a bit scary, to do anything different. At times, even being yourself can feel strange, like you’re “faking it” as you begin to show up in new ways. It may sound paradoxical, but that feeling can come from having worn certain masks for so long that returning to yourself feels unfamiliar. And that, too, can be part of the process.

It can be helpful to meet yourself with compassion here. The parts of you that learned to mask were doing their best to protect you, whether from judgment, rejection, or not feeling fully seen. Rather than pushing those parts away, you might begin by understanding them. At the same time, you may start to notice the cost of always holding it together in this way, how tiring it can feel, or the sense of disconnection that can come with it.

For me, as a child, I learned to keep the peace at all costs, often masking through people-pleasing and humour. When I began to unmask, that was the first layer I started to gently shift. I remember a moment with a family member, in a dynamic that would normally pull me back into people-pleasing. Instead, I stayed grounded and said, “I’m not going to have this conversation.” We were able to move on and talk about something else. It doesn’t always unfold that smoothly, which is why it can be important to begin with people who feel safest. Sometimes it can even help to name it ahead of time, that you’re trying something new and practicing showing up differently.

Ways You Might Begin

You don’t have to do everything all at once. Often, it begins with simply noticing. Becoming aware of moments where you adjust yourself, where you people-please, hold something back, or present as “fine” when something else is happening underneath. With gentle curiosity, something can begin to open. You might even begin to imagine how it could feel to respond differently, allowing yourself to stay connected to what feels true.

It can also be helpful to notice your body. Sometimes it will signal when something isn’t quite aligned, a tension in your shoulders, a tightness in your throat, or a sense of exhaustion after certain interactions. These can be cues that you may be moving away from yourself. You might try giving those experiences a voice through speaking, journaling, or even writing out what you wish you could say.

Spending time on your own can also offer insight. When there’s no one to perform for, you may begin to notice how you naturally think, feel, or move through the world. There can be something grounding in reconnecting with that.

And sometimes, it can be as simple as returning to parts of yourself that may have been set aside, interests, forms of expression, or things you once enjoyed but felt you had to let go of.

We all have masks. The intention isn’t to be the same in every room, but to begin noticing when and why you adapt. Some environments may not feel safe enough to be fully yourself and that’s important to recognize. In those moments, the mask may still serve a purpose. The invitation is not to remove it entirely, but to stay connected to who you are underneath it, bringing forward as much of yourself as feels safe and possible, while remaining aware.

Unmasking isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about slowly returning to who you already are, at your own pace, in your own way, and in the spaces that feel safe enough to begin.

Catherine Falkner