The Masks We Wear:Part 1 (And What They Protect)

There are ways we learn to move through the world that don’t always feel like us, almost as if we’re wearing a "mask." Sometimes it’s subtle, adjusting how we speak, what we share, or how much of ourselves we show. Other times, it becomes more deeply ingrained, such as from a young age, shaped by repeated experiences where we feel misunderstood or unsafe. Over time, we may start to automatically hide parts of ourselves, so much so that it can feel like a habit we don’t even notice. We normalize it.  It can be conscious or unconscious, a way of hiding our true emotions or parts of ourselves in order to fit in, be accepted, or avoid rejection. In many ways, it’s a form of protection, something that developed for a reason. 

We come into this world wired for connection, and when that connection feels at risk, it can teach us that certain parts of who we are aren’t “safe” to express. So we adapt in order to stay connected. We learn what’s acceptable, what’s expected, and we shape ourselves around that. It can look like being agreeable, holding back emotions, over-functioning, or appearing “fine” even when we’re not. While this can help us navigate relationships, over time it can leave us feeling disconnected from who we really are.

Ever heard of the class clown? That was me. I’ve often felt like a bit of a misfit. I didn’t always feel like I fit anywhere. From a young age, I learned to use humour, something that was both a gift and, at times, a mask. It protected me, and it also led me into a career in acting, Later on, I began to realize I needed to stop “performing”, and find a way of being that felt true, and authentic not just in certain situations, but throughout my life.

What I came to notice in my own life is how exhausting it can be to hold a mask in place for too long, It is a visceral feeling, like I couldn’t hold it anymore in my body. A challenging period in my life and a series of shifting circumstances began to move me out of some of my masks. 

A first step, begin to notice when you’re masking, and become curious about why. Not to force anything away, but to understand what that part of you has been trying to protect. Often, underneath the mask, there’s something more tender, something that hasn’t felt safe enough to be expressed. From there, it might be as simple as allowing a little more of yourself to be present in ways that feel safe enough like sharing a thought, or acknowledging a feeling. Over time, you can begin to shift your relationship with yourself, creating space for something more authentic to emerge.

Catherine Falkner